A student of mine yesterday told me that whenever she thinks of me, in her mind, my name is Faith. How perfect, that in someone else’s internal world I am synonymous with faith! This is exactly what has returned to my patient and awaiting heart, faith. It was as if the Gods were confirming that I had wandered home again, to the hallowed ground of my true Self, renamed. Thanks Kate!
I have always believed in signs, in synchronicity and otherwise magical happenstance. Whenever I have needed direction it has always appeared in an illuminating and spontaneous way. Lyrics to a song inspire me to take a risk, words on a billboard answer the question I have been pondering, someone gives me the very thing I have been needing most etc… I have learned through experience, that my life is being choreographed in concert with my purpose, despite my best effort at times, to derail myself. There is a constant resonance happening between my deepest longing, and life’s desire to fulfill it. It doesn’t require effort on my part, merely an unshakable trust, and a willingness to suspend my judgement and fear.
This is what I love most about life, it is never certain. I know your wondering how I can possibly be sincere in this sentiment. Understandably confusing if you have read my past few posts. Let me clarify. Now that I have my bearings once more, I am remembering how valuable uncertainty really is. When I am uncertain, on some level I am aware of the immense possibilities pulsing just beneath the surface. I am no longer trapped by what I know, but freed by what I don’t. In the face of the unknown I am asked to surrender, to have faith in the beauty and benevolence of life, in the goodness of humanity. To let go of all preconceived notions about what is and isn’t possible in the world. To possess the qualities of a beginner’s mind.
I have never been able to determine my course, which I am sure has been an act of grace! I am simply taken to where I am needed most. Whenever I have tried to manipulate or control the direction of my life, usually through stubborn willfulness, I am inevitably cast to and fro in a abyss of self-doubt and misery. Exhausting and overwhelming myself in the process. Yet when I surrender to the prevailing forces, those that are intuitively trying to lead me, a sense of calm and peace ensues.
There is an immense joy that is arising as I relax more fully into this uncertain, but amazingly adventurous life of mine. This heroine’s journey is a mapless exploration, yet I am guided in a powerful and deeply gratifying way. I seem to know I am going in the right direction, even when I feel hopelessly lost. The trials and tribulations, the obstacles, and challenges continue to be the catalyst of my character development! In the ninth hour, when all seems insanely futile, and all for naught, the miraculous happens… I find my way.
It doesn’t matter what I do to earn my living as long as I continue to be who I am, to live with a humble and grateful heart. I have awakened once more to what is of real importance to me. It has been my true souls desire not to be corrupted by the pain and suffering inherent in human life but to live as an embodiment of unconditional love, compassion, wisdom and truth, to remain authentic, simple and childlike in my nature. To live according to my highest understanding. So let the north wind blow…