I strip off my clothes. They land in a formless heap. I am naked, I am nameless. I have no identity, no history, no story. I am free. The ritual begins. I put my head underneath the water . I hear the rhythmic beat of my heart as the world recedes into an embryonic moment. In the darkness I listen to the silence and I wait. I wait for the the invisible One, the one I call the “bathroom guru God.”
As a child I couldn’t wait to take my nightly bath. In the darkness I would slip into my watery womb, the lone window above me sealed by winters icy embrace. I would follow my breath until the outside world was absorbed in the silence of my interior. The further I went inside the more endless I became. The boundaries of my body evaporated into the mist. How I wondered could my body be so small and yet so vast? There was a whole mystical world inside of me. A powerful presence seemed to appear genie like and eclipse my whole existence. The bathroom guru God had arrived.
Bathing became a sacred act of communion, communion with my Self. This was my meditation. My first remembered experience and intimacy with the divine. I would leave my body spontaneously and without effort. I looked down upon my little human form lying motionless. “I am here and I am there.” I felt so deeply nourished by this revelation. There is a part of me I realized that is invisible. I couldn’t see this self, but I could feel it. I became an immediate wonder! “I am inside, I am outside. I was just like God.
I began to communicate with the silence within. It listened in the way that only silence can. I would share all of my adventures, my daily trials and tribulations. It was my confidant, the reservoir of all my hopes and fears. I would awaken from my journey to cold water and a shivering body. The concept of time I discovered, ceased to exist in that place within myself. I was timeless and vast, a refuge of peace and joy. I was infinite.
I would hold a question within my heart and I would listen. I would wait for the bathroom guru God to answer me, my essential nature to come out of the depths. It always did. It has been unfailing. What it revealed was knowledge and truth beyond my worldly experiences, this omniscience was a part of my being. At some point I realized that the sacred presence within me was my true Self. It was profoundly liberating to know that I would always be under its sovereignty, led by its unerring compass. Experience would prove that my presence was dependent only upon my being PRESENT.
I have always sat at the lotus feet of the bathroom guru God waiting. Waiting for the water to take me deep into the well of the unknown, into the spaciousness of my own Being. Now I simply arrive where ever I am. Everyday I bow to that unbound and invisible Self that compassionately guides me into the heart of peace. ” I am my beloved, my beloved I Am.”