Listening to the Silence, to the quiet of my breath, heart beating softly. My beloved whispers ‘Only Love’ Santidevi, ‘Only Love’. I have spent the last six months in the alchemy of fire, and I have emerged purified and reborn. What is left is ‘Only Love’, the essence of my existence. Amor est vitae essentia. I bow to the worldly experience that has brought me to such a state of grace. My heart fills with gratitude for my recent trials, for the Presence that has solely eclipsed the small i, a grain of sand in an ever widening sea. I choose love in the face of fear, I choose love in the face of uncertainty, I choose love in the face of whatever lies ahead.
United with my beloved, I give myself to the unknown, to the fatefulness and beauty of being human. The ground shakes and I tremble into a faith that never fails me. Celebrating the slow even pulse inside that tells me I am still alive, I am still breathing. Aware of a fleeting self that is completely absorbed in silence, as formless as mist.
I walk on South Broadway after dinner and a street woman approaches me. I tell her that I have no money or I would give it to her. She says that’s ok… we are just here. I only have this food I reply. She takes it gratefully, we look deeply into each other’s eyes, unwavering and still. Do you feel the energy she asks? Yes. Thank you for the love. I bow and take her cold hand to my lips. It is covered in a worn, fingerless glove that smells of smoke and homeless living. I kiss it. She takes mine and does the same. All time stops. We part without another word spoken. We have shared in one brief moment the Oneness of our belonging. The greatest of all gifts is priceless. Love. Without anything we gave it freely.
I want to embrace the whole of humanity. To bring forth the power of the love that continues to eclipse all else within me. I feel its PRESENCE, its illuminating light and expansion. This alone can feed the masses and change our world. Where there is LOVE there is PEACE, where there is peace there is TRUTH and where there is truth there is LIBERATION.
My feet are being planted deeply into the terra firma. In this journey I am realizing how inseparable the mundane practicalities of human life are from what is deemed “spiritual”. Every aspect of human life is sacred and sublime, the living and the dying. As I sit in the uncertainty of being unemployed, with no financial reserve and bills due ,I feel a peace that would seem to have no place in this moment. I feel the panic, it rises in waves against this unyielding peace, I feel the fear that threatens to over run the truth of my knowing, but it is powerless. I watch it all unfold and I breathe. I know without any question in my heart that I will be supported. Each moment I awaken to gratitude, to the LOVE of my life.
January 6, 2011