Longing to be touched, to feel the warmth of a sleeping body next to me. Breathing the scent of human skin. The intimacy and comfort of naked bodies entwined. My heart sings to the one who has yet to appear. I am finding in this great emptiness within me, what it is I truly want. To be loved. To have wild abandon with someone who loves adventure as much as I do. Who wants to explore the world, the mystery of creation, the awakening of consciousness. A spirit that loves my cooking, and my bohemian adherence to “No rules.” That defines reading as “fun”, and is comfortable with doing absolutely nothing! One who recognizes the depth and passion of my Soul, and is isn’t afraid. I have faith that this stranger will come, that the intersecting byways of our travels will unite us in some throughly unexpected and serendipitous way.
My life has never felt so precarious. My strategy has always been not to live with a plan. I have never been a logical sort or one to trust in the rational. I love the uncertainty, and the feeling of possibility that it ignites. I know that whatever my simple mind can construct as a worthy goal, would be a mere shadow of what the spirit in me is destined for. I trust in the synchronicities, in the seemingly coincidental, and I look for signs. I listen. Living in this way requires a certain amount of detachment, a lessening of personal agenda and in the end a true surrender to an unconventional life. There are times when I have questioned my course, when I’ve made hard choices based on my personal value system and integrity, and not on what made sense. Suddenly changing direction just when my life had taken on some semblance of stability and order. I have learned not to get too comfortable, or to presume upon my circumstances. It suits my sensibilities to be adaptively flexible, to allow my life to transform at will.
In this fasting I have realized ever more clearly the value I place upon being absolutely true to my Self. Living in harmony with my true nature and expressing it in word, action and deed. Bringing my spirit into the world in a way that has value and meaning. Returning to the simple as my guide. I choose to live with gratitude and reverence, to greet each moment with awareness. I Am, all that I seek. This truth fills me with peace. I live knowing that I am fulfilling my purpose, that my very existence is a divine blessing. My body is empty, but my heart is full. At day 24, I am surrendering ever more deeply to the quiet depths of my Soul, bowing still.
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