Day 12

My mind is syphoned into the moment. It rests where I Am, undisturbed. The quiet has become a constant. I am aware of the weight of air, its caress penetrating beyond my thin skin… it seems to reach into my interior, a spiraling breath.  It is day 12.  I wonder at this body that becomes Self sustaining. I feel the intelligence of this miraculous vessel discerning what is of value and what is not. I am being systematically sorted like wheat from the chaff.  I watch this process, a curious observer. What will remain?  Do we ever know what will become of us? Are we not at every moment a mystery?


I find such grace in surrendering to life.  Listening to and trusting, without logic or reason, the dictates of my own soul-fed voice.  It leads me into the unknown, into an adventure filled and mythical life. Where fear would seal a staid fate, it has lured me beyond the objections of all fight and flight.  The power that lives within this someday carcass, humbles me speechless. I follow it like a shadow into the wilds of the less traveled.  My spirit is not bound. It is my will to surrender, to experience even for a moment the play of the divine, the union of my Self with my Beloved.


It is morning and I repeat my mantra… I am absorbed in it’s rhythm, in the hand strung wooden beads that glide through these practiced fingers. I see the eyes of Satyananda, ageless, staring back, the peace of Samadhi.  I am not here, nor there. Time, between this place and that, is perished by this consciousness that takes flight. I nourish myself in the truth of the sacred seed sounds that repeat themselves seamlessly.  The boundaries dissolve, I am in this body and not.  The naturalness of my being becomes ever more present.


I pray for those who are suffering, for those who are in the bardo of grief and loss.  All the human beings who are sick and diseased, who are hungry and homeless. I pray for those who are mentally ill and imprisoned, drug addicted, violent, and murderous. I ask in the name of all that is holy that my fasting will bring peace, love and compassion to this world. I bow to those enlightened beings, ever present, who have devoted their lives to the awakening of humanity. I dedicate any merit from this abstinence to the restoration of divine consciousness, that we may all realize the beauty and peace of our true and abiding nature.




santidevi